Let It Go

Sometimes you just have to let it go. The story, the particular story, the idea that you’ll have writing time–what “it” is can vary, but the idea is still the same. Sometimes you have to bend to reality; sometimes reality is stronger than your will, your desire, or your determination.

That’s the place I’ve been for ages now. I don’t have the time or the mental energy to work on the dragon story; the job that pays my bills, keeping a roof over my head, food on my table, and heat between the walls on these cold Massachusetts nights, is devouring everything: time, energy, mental capacity. I come home feeling like my head is full of sludge. It’s not just the writing that’s suffering, either. My workouts are an idea, not an actuality (which undoubtedly has something to do with my flagging energy levels).

I have a choice here.

I can beat myself up for everything I’m not doing: (“If you were a writer, you would write. If you’re not writing, you’re not a writer…” “You’re gonna get fat again if you don’t work out. All your strength is gonna disappear if you don’t go to the gym…”)

Or I can let it go, admit that things for right now are just too out of control, and recognize that I don’t need yet another source of stress in my life. I’ve chosen the other option often enough that, intellectually, I know how pointless it is. This time around, I get it emotionally as well. This craziness at work is short-term; for me, things should begin to ease up the middle of next week. When they do, I’ll be able to write and work out again. I’ll have the energy and the time, and the brain cells.

Have you ever let it go?


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