Fab Tool, Necessary Dullness

I did the right thing, taking the netbook plunge. It’s not perfect — I hit the touchpad at inopportune moments, and I’m evidently much more likely to misalign my hands on the keyboard, resulting in touch-typing gobbledy-gook — but it’s still turning out to be a fabulous, wonderful, exactly-what-I-needed tool.

Sometimes I don’t know how frustrated I am by something until the source of frustration is removed. I didn’t know how much I wanted to be able to work on my story within Writer’s Café until I could finally do it. It’s not that I feel as if a weight has been lifted — that’s not quite the cliché I want. I feel unblocked, as if the way in front of me has been cleared.

It’s this feeling of greater ease that tells me I didn’t waste my money. The persistence of my longing was once again a true sign.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Yesterday, as I totted up the week’s productivity, I was feeling very pleased with myself. I wrote something like 1,500 words, a very nice total.

Then today I took a look at what I’d done, and I wondered, had I put words down just to put words down? Too much of what I have is (to be candid) boring. Had I pushed myself to write when I had nothing to say? Thinking about the experience of writing all those words, I have to say if I pushed myself, I was doing it on a subconscious level. I’ve had days when it’s felt like I’m dredging words out of the mud at the bottom of my mind, every word taking too much effort to drag into the light. The past few days haven’t been like that. The words just flowed.

The “You’ve got to do better” voice started up, but before it could get me all wound up, another voice suggested that maybe, just maybe, I’d needed to write all those words, however dull, to get to the words I’ll eventually end up with. Basically, as dull as what I have is, it’s necessary, every uninteresting word of it.

That feels right. I’ve written dull scenes before. Most of the time, the things that make the scene dull were things I needed to write…but didn’t need to keep, once they were written. That’s what I think is going on here. I need to write the scene as it comes to me, dull or not, and leave worrying about the dullness to when I go to revise it.

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